Those sleepless nights and butterflies in the stomach when I had that first RISHTA meeting of my life. It felt as if something better and fabulous is about to come in my way, but at the same time, fear of rejecting and rejection struck me. That's when my mother noticed my discomfort, nervousness, and fear on my face, without uttering a word, she read my mind and sat right beside me on the bed. She smiled, held my hand, kissed my forehead and said, "It's okay" and that's when she shared some of her advice, which helped me to decide my answer later, for which, I can't thanks her enough.
She said if that one person is the one then go with that first, click. You will feel a weird click like you both are meant to be together and if that feeling comes then don't even think twice to utter a word, yes because very few people get that click on first Rishta meeting.
She held my hand, caressed my forehead gently and said, "rejection is the part of the arranged marriage process and never take the rejection on your heart because there is nothing wrong with you, feel happy about the fact that you both decided to part your ways at the right time because what if, you both would never be happy in your married life. Accept that rejection and move on to the next one."
Do not act a different you, be yourself and show him, what you are really like because for the next, sixty years or maybe more, you both have to share a life together. Be yourself and leave everything else on destiny.
She told me to lean my head towards her shoulders and gave me the best suggestion of all. She said, "gone the time when girls used to sit quietly", ask your questions and think about the qualities, which you want in your future life partner and if you feel like to make a list of your questions in mind then do make it because it is the matter of your whole life.
She stared at me for a moment as if she was trying to put her words into a proper sentence and then she said, "no one is perfect and if you are planning to share your life with someone, it is their right to get to know about you completely. Not only good things, but bad ones too. So, take my suggestion and share your bad habits too".
When you meet a person for the first time, you get vibes about his personality like negative or positive vibes. Trust on those vibes and if it feels correct, then only, continue further with the meeting otherwise sit for a few minutes and walk off because there is no need to waste your time on something, which is not meant to be. I saw genuine concern in her eyes and it helped me to move further.
She said, "As a friend I would say, getting attracted to the opposite gender is normal but also, be practical. Don't go for looks, talk with him and if you feel mental compatibility is there, then think about to take that further because looks will be gone in a few years but the good soul and the intelligent mind would be forever".
"We trust you", she said, arranged meetings are nothing like dating because here, families are involved. So, if you like that person, do not say that to his face. Keep us in mind and think, "what if, we don't like him or his family when we meet them" because we want the best for you but the last call would always be yours. If you say no, it would be no and if yes, we would take things further.
These were some of the advice, which helped me to feel at ease and also, later it helped me to decide, what exactly I am looking for in my future partner. Arranged marriages are not easy, but also, when you have your mother right next to you, everything seems less complicated because, you know, she would never let you go in wrong hands.
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