All the anti-marriage jokes which have become a constant forward in various Whatsapp groups have a bitter truth to them. Men usually get caught up in the cold war between their wives and mother, a woman who gave him life and a woman who vowed to spend his life with. Sometimes things don't go well; your wife might feel neglected by your mother in terms of affection while your mother might feel that she is not being respected. This is a common human feeling. Here are some ways you can understand the situation better without going insane in this wordless battle:
Let her know how much your mother matters to you if you be communicative with her she will understand. Never disrespect your mother in front of your wife that will just create misunderstandings because words matter and can change her perspective, try to have a meaningful conversation.
Many misunderstandings between them also develop because your mother does not feel connected to you anymore. She feels alienated and starts blaming your wife for that. Just make little gestures to let her know that you haven't forgotten about her, that you still love her.
During a fight, make sure that you don't raise your voice. Don't let temper get the best of you. Ask them to speak individually and turn by turn, so all three of you can know the matter from each other's perspective. It will get hard during the situation, but try and remain calm. Don't try and decipher any argument in support of any of them or Don't try to become the jury and hold a court. Also, Don't try and search for truth because there isn't one. Just try and minimize their misunderstanding.
Sometimes subconsciously you begin to compare little things like habits or skills of your wife and mother and that doesn't bode well with either of them like, don't compare their cooking. Especially, don't be a snitch by telling either of them about the ill things which you have heard from their mouths about each other.
Let them handle their own little issues if they are capable of it. You don't have to supervise every conversation they have but understand that you ought to intervene if they cross a certain line. Most of us when we get angry have no control over our words, make sure that neither of them gets irrevocably hurt because of hollow words spoken in anger by the other.
Let both of them know what they mean to you, that way both of them will go out of their way to make peace with each other for your sake. Tell your wife how much you treasure her and make her wishes come true. If she wants to go out for a vacation, make it happen. Similarly, respect your mom and give her little gifts which might make her happy, but also make both of them understand that they will have to make compromises in order to live peacefully together.
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