Avril Lavigne said and we quote "Love hurts whether you are right or wrong" and we advise you to let that sink in. It's okay to be hurt, to grieve, you are only human and should be allowed to display your emotions but there is a fine line between grieving and self-destructing.
The word self-destructing is used so often for the millennials and boomers nobody feels the need to understand what it really means. No, not the 7th grader who would scare his wrist after his girl dumped him to prove to the world he loves her and she is wrong. That is simply an act for attention and an attempt to taint the girl's image. However, bar hoping, abusing substances, and putting everything else aside is self-destruction. Putting things on hold to retreat and come out fresh again is grieving. The whole crux of grieving is based on the stage that comes after that, healing. If one decides only to grieve and never heal, that behaviour is self-destruction.
And in another way, you can also call it extreme folly.
When you decide to self-harm and defend yourself by suggesting that you are allowed to do as you please you are simply shedding off from responsibility. Your parents invested in your college degree and expect a good outcome but if you decide to act all Kabir Singh for a girl, you are wasting their money earned by hard labour. Not just money alone, they had faith in you which is why they sponsored your education, you will shatter that too. Your friends also suffer from the moral obligation of looking out for you and they will but if you continue destroying yourself and they have to come to rescue you every time you are taking a toll on their life as well. When you decide to destroy yourself, you destroy everybody else around you as well.
Love and relationships often can be challenging but you cannot stop. The only dead end in life is death itself and everything else just falls in between from time to time. It is difficult but there is nothing like you can't get over it. It is all a part of your conscious decision-making. Nobody can make you miserable till the time you decide to let them. Your trauma is an outcome of your own actions.
If you want to ruin your life for a girl you are simply suffering from a lack of self-worth and are an individual dependant on somebody's companionship and assurance. Your trauma is not that girl's cause but your own inferiority complex because you fail to make yourself happy and need somebody else to do that for you.
You can deny it in the name of love but many have loved and many have hated and with time all of them have perished. You and I are no different; you lived before your girlfriend too so why is it so difficult now? You are left with a good bunch of life where you can do wonders, you can achieve your desires, and you can make your parents proud by achieving your goals.
You have so much to do in this life, focus on that, not on the girl who left you for XYZ reason.
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